Quest for bread...or something like it

ugh...no bread. specifically for me, no white bread. I mean you can't have any kind, but the only kind I enjoy is soft, often heavily buttered, white bread. AND I CAN'T HAVE ANY!!! I know it's not healthy for you anyway, blah blah blah, but I LOVE it...sigh
So what can I do to get my fix? Well I found two possible solutions. Nori and fricking paleo muffins.
So Nori works for me in a pinch, if I want to roll up some nitrite, nitrate free deli meats and cucumbers and hold something in my hands that feels almost sandwich like. This was the first time I had used nori in a way that was not sushi related (oh yes, nori is the kelp, green sea weedy stuff usually wrapped around your sushi rolls or hand rolls) I like it ok, but that fishy flavor is not always something I am looking for. The nice thing though, is that is it almost always readily available at the major grocery store chains around me. I find it at my local Kroger. Kroger has been good to me, but more about that in a later post.
On to paleo muffins....
So far, I just can't do it. I tried my first batch, a blueberry laden, egg soufflé type thing. I thought this would tide me over at first glance. But after the second batch, I just couldn't do it anymore. Too eggy, and more disgustingly to me, too coconut oily (can't stand the stuff).
My white bread craving has been left unsatisfied and I can see a binge just over the mountain...so far so good, but I am not sure how long it will take for the feelings to subside. They so lie when they say if you haven't had it for a certain amount of time then you won't want it anymore. These people have obviously never, ever tried a good Italian bread!
So if you are reading this, and you know of something to keep me from falling head over heels off the wagon, please comment below. I haven't found anything yet, but I trust in you out there...
please help me
xoxo