Quest for random nerdy tshirts

Ok, so as promised, it is April 1 and here I am. Do you have any idea how hard it is to take a before selfie? Like, literally, your body doesn't want you to do it. It won't let you position the camera at any kind of normal angle. I did finally take something that could be considered acceptable, but I think I will wait to post it. The most you get for now it this:

 

 

Here is another interesting fact, I apparently do not have a tape measure in my house. I will get one tonight when I pick up hair dye so I can cover up my "I'm turning 40 greys". I will post those numbers tomorrow...but just for a preview...they will be big.

I did make it to crossfit today. The wod was supposed to be 8 rounds of a 200 m run then 20 double unders. After the first run, where the running wasn't the problem, the shin splints were, I had to skip both the double under and the running and was put on the rower and step ups. Well my big old legs had problems with step ups as well so he put me on a 1000 m row. He kept checking on me and telling me I could stop and just mash out my legs, but I did it, I kept on keeping on and did the 1000 meters. Then I cried while I rolled out my shins. I assured everyone I would be back in the morning, and I will be by the gods o' war, I have tshirts i want to fit into.

So now we come to the truth of it. I could say that I want to get thin so that I can run around with my kids, or live a longer life with fewer health issues, but I have these tshirts dammit. I am addicted to Tee Fury. They come out with a new, nerd related tshirt everyday and there I some I just have to have. So I have been buying them over time and even though I buy the big girl ones, they are still too tight...I mean who the hell sizes these things? I know they are supposed to be fitted because they are girlie tees, but come on. Anyway, I have the amazing tshirts that I simply cannot wear and I really, really want to wear them. Yep, nerdy tshirts...gets me to crossfit in the morning.

 

xoxo

quest for the peanut butter cup

I LOVE peanut butter cups. I know we should not have emotional attachment to any food...but, seriously, I LOVE peanut butter cups. This may be obvious, but a paleo lifestyle and the aforementioned creamy, salty, chocolaty, treat do not good bedfellows make. That being said, these crazy whole, natural food eaters have developed some kick ass treats to tame even the most chocolate obsessed persons cravings. Except, for mine, that is. Sure they have amazing recipes for chocolate almond butter cups...but screw that. I don't like just any nut butter and chocolate together, I like a very particular brand. I have never gone for any of those fancy peanut butter cups at chocolatiers, or for the buckeye balls or whatever they are called. I only like Reese's Peanut Butter cups...and I especially LOVE them in Easter egg form.
We of course are right in the middle of the dastardly bunnies holiday and the peanut butter eggs are out in full force, so what's a girl to do?
Well I finally concocted something that tricks me into thinking I am being satisfied by a very similar taste sensation. Sure it's not the same mouth feel, but it does kinda taste like if you blended peanut butter cups into ice cream and then let it melt a little, and that totally works for me, on many levels.
So here is my peanut butter egg smoothie(gosh I love my Vitamix). You may try  and get very frustrated with me because it Wwill not taste like Reeses, but listen, it totally works for me, and if it works for me, maybe, just maybe, it will calm your nerves as well.

Throw this all in your blender and if you have the smoothie option use it, if not I suppose blend until smooth.
and also you can tinker with the amounts, that is what I did until I found the perfect taste.

1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk (regular almond milk will do, but I found I need the vanilla, you could always throw in some vanilla extract though)
1 ripe banana
1 heaping tsp unsweetened natural cocoa powder
1 heaping tsp almond butter ( I love the flavor of MaraNantha)
1 heaping tsp raw local honey
1/3 or just a big handful of ice.


ooh now I have to go make one, made my own mouth water;)

enjoy
xoxo

the quest to get back to the quest

ok ok so I have taken some time off. Poorly used time. Time spent eating things that no traditional man would ever consider putting into his whole food fed mouth. But I did it, and now I must own it, and get back on track. I will say that I had lost 30 pounds and have kept it off. I have kept a mostly paleo/gluten free diet (um peanut butter eggs fall into that category right? damn you easter bunny). But lets face it, all that fricking work I did has done me no good if I don't get back on the pony right?

Crossfit called me back. I kept letting it go to voicemail, but finally it got so annoying I had to pick up. So I started back two weeks ago, and am happy to report I have continued, whether my warm, comfy bed liked it or not. It was very tough at first, um not that it is not now, but it was really, really bad at first. I wanted to cry (actually I might have) and I hated every painful, short of breath, minute of it. But I persevered. Mainly because that jerk of a crossfit coach seems to believe in me and make me do things he says he knows I can do even if I don't think I can.  And this is what brings me to this blog post today.

So, trainer heard that I was going to Florida in May, and he asked me how I wanted to be when I went. I told him, not as fat as I was the year before. He said if I gave him 30 days in April, he could make me into a new person (he so crazy). This is also the month of my 40th birthday...I want to go into 40 in an awesome, not lazy way. I want husband to have to take me for a brand new wardrobe for this Florida trip. I want to fit on those damn Orlando rides without bruising my thighs. So trainer's challenge has been accepted and I am going to take you on the journey with me, no matter how truly horrible it might be at times.

At the beginning of April I will post before pics....oh god...I don't really want to commit to that, but it seems like it is the right thing to do. I will also post...gulp...my measurements. Then I will tell you what I do each day and we will see where I end up.

Sounds exciting doesn't it? Ok, maybe not for you, but I am feeling pretty psyched about it, which, if you know me at all, is truly strange.

Words of encouragement strongly advised.

thanks
xoxo

the quest for TOTAL DOMINATION!

YES! I did it!
So this whole thing started with the torture box (crossfit) and their ridiculous 30 day paleo challenge. Those who eat a paleo diet regularly usually make small concessions as long as they are natural and a cave man could have produced them easily enough...but for these first 30 days I had to go balls to the wall. No nothing not a thing that was not animal or plant, and even then there were no nos. But I did it. I went 30 mother loving days with almost no cheating and with fairly regular crossfit workouts. And guess who won the whole shebang? Oh yeah, it's me!!!
All I can imagine is that these amazing people that work out regularly and can somehow magically lift their toes all the way to the bar just didn't follow the diet faithfully, or the supplements, or maybe they don't know how to add, because I don't know how I kicked their asses, but I did, I did kick their asses.
Do I sound a little prideful? Well good, because I am. This kicked my ass and I, the self proclaimed laziest person in the world, the most McDonald's obsessed chick, I did it. I lasted 30 days and I won!
If I can do this anyone can do it...cliché I know, but so totally true.
I have dieted for so long, and stayed fat for so long. And now, after roughly 60 days paleo I have lost just about 20 lbs now, and oh the inches have been coming off in droves. And I can do it. I have had moments where I thought this can go on no longer. McDonalds has a new bbq mcdouble...how in the hell am I not supposed to eat that? But I haven't eaten it. I think this may be the longest I have held up a diet, and let me make this clear, when I say diet I actually mean what diet should mean and that is just the way I am eating. I don't have to weigh anything (at least not yet) I don't have to think too much about it. I don't go hungry. And I feel good.
I feel almost ridiculous saying it, but I have finally found the thing that has changed, and possibly saved my life!
I owe this all to the crossfit box in my neighborhood and the trainers there that I love to hate. Aaron and Carrie from Enabled Body Crossfit in Romeo. It was after seeing Carrie's crazy arms and shoulders at a booth at the Peach Festival that got me to even think about crossfit. And Aaron, even though I mostly want to punch him in the face when I see him, motivates me and keeps me going and makes me feel like I can do the things he thinks I can.
I love these guys and this box and this stupid, stupid paleo diet. Ok, enough mushiness....
xoxo
https://www.facebook.com/EnabledBodyCrossFit
http://www.enabledbodycrossfit.com/

The quest for guidance

So starting a paleo diet is not something to do on the fly or without some serious direction. And I just didn't feel the internets, although so good to me most of the time, was the right fit for my trying to make a life altering change. So, I went to a bookstore...dun dun dun. Yes, I do have a Kindle, but that is for watching back seasons of Supernatural (love me some Dean Winchester). Anyway so to the bookstore I went, thinking I would pick up the book written by the paleo guru...name not mentioned here because I did not pick up his book, because, well, I really didn't like it or him. First off, I do judge books by their covers, and by their author faces and he looked like a cocky little twerp. Ok not nice, but if you know me, that was actually nicer than I would normally be. Anyway. everyone loves this guy, he's the king of the cave so I read a little on the inside. I am sure it had some great information, important information, but the writing style made me cringe. He tries to right "real" and with humor, but his humor just struck me as the kind you would hear from an overzealous meat head at the gym, and his lectures seemed like the kind of cocky you would get from a very serious Trekkie who knows everything from every episode and looks down on the people who like the new movies. I have a bad feeling I wrote Trekkie wrong and I will no doubt get in trouble for that...but enough about this guy.
So once I decided I would not be going with the number one book on paleo, I grabbed about 32 others from the same shelf and by varying authors, sat down with what would be my final venti non fat, no whip mocha, and dug in. Ugh. Book after book was filled full with words, so many words, and non of them related  to romance  while time travelling through the highlands of Scotland, so I grew tired very quickly. I need something that could appeal to me as an everyday, normal, no time on her hands mom of 2. Something with pictures, charts, words of course too, but the kind that are easy for my brain to digest. So I went to the cookbook section and found a beautiful brightly bound book with a picture of a woman who looked happy being skinny and not eating ice cream, so I looked further. I had found my very own guru! Diane Sanfilippo "Practical Paleo: A Customized Approach to Health and a Whole-Foods Lifestyle" was written for people like me. There are pictures, and tear out pages with easy to read information. She even has broken down 30 day menus by issue type, like if you are dealing with digestive issues, or autoimmune issues. She explains the why to everything but in a way that is easy enough to understand. Sure there are words, but not 101 pages of just words. Plus the lady has a good sense of humor, at least my kind and I found it an enjoyable journey. This book may not be for everyone, but it was the right fit for me, and the recipes are easy enough and freaking delicious.
Diane has not paid me to say of this(shh she does not even know I exist), and I can't even get my adsense to work on the side of this blog to advertise for her. But I love her and if you are new to paleo, or even if you have some health issues you think diet might help you with, I couldn't recommend this book more.

http://www.amazon.com/Practical-Paleo-Customized-Whole-Foods-Lifestyle/dp/1936608758

the quest for sweets

No sugar. nope, none. what the hell am I supposed to do without sugar? for without sugar, there can be no chocolate...right? RIGHT?
It is no fair that not only I can have no delicious creamy peanut butter, but now I can't wrap it in luscious milk chocolate either. What the hell was paleolithic man thinking?
Well thankfully, I found a few options that helped (if only a little) to curb my sweet tooth's major attitude problem.
You can have chocolate. Yes, when I found out I cried out in thanks to the gods. But this chocolate is not your Hershey's variety. it is very dark and very real and very bitter unsweetened cocoa. But here is where my new favorite thing, grade b maple syrup, comes in. This blessed nectar tastes like rock candy and is used in baking and is pure and natural and cave approved.
I found a few recipes that I set forth to make. Um, husband has decided that I should no longer be allowed to use cocoa in a paleo dessert process because all that happens is me screaming obscenities throughout the house because inevitably I miss an important ingredient, or I don't milk the chocolate correctly (believe me this makes a crazy huge difference) or I burn something. But, after many failed attempts, I did end up with something I could call chocolate and moderately satisfying. It is a bark made with unsweetened dark chocolate, pumpkin seeds, walnuts and gogi berries. What the hell are gogi berries you ask? I have no fricking idea and couldn't find them in my store so I found some dried currants that didn't contain added sugar and used those instead. Those little bastards taste an awful lot like raisins, but in my desperation I find them quite edible.
Dark chocolate is an acquired taste I think. I always thought I was a huge dark chocolate fan, until I had real dark chocolate...BITTER and strong, like burnt coffee. But, if you add enough syrup and other ingredients, it becomes decent and it is growing on me.
I find out of all the paleo sweets I have tried to make so far though, my favorite by far is a recipe for a berry crumble. I could eat that all day. I will post both these recipes in a later post, eh, maybe I will add a page just for recipes that I enjoy. It will be a work in progress.
xoxo

Quest for bread...or something like it

ugh...no bread. specifically for me, no white bread. I mean you can't have any kind, but the only kind I enjoy is soft, often heavily buttered, white bread. AND I CAN'T HAVE ANY!!! I know it's not healthy for you anyway, blah blah blah, but I LOVE it...sigh
So what can I do to get my fix? Well I found two possible solutions. Nori and fricking paleo muffins.
So Nori works for me in a pinch, if I want to roll up some nitrite, nitrate free deli meats and cucumbers and hold something in my hands that feels almost sandwich like. This was the first time I had used nori in a way that was not sushi related (oh yes, nori is the kelp, green sea weedy stuff usually wrapped around your sushi rolls or hand rolls) I like it ok, but that fishy flavor is not always something I am looking for. The nice thing though, is that is it almost always readily available at the major grocery store chains around me. I find it at my local Kroger. Kroger has been good to me, but more about that in a later post.
On to paleo muffins....
So far, I just can't do it. I tried my first batch, a blueberry laden, egg soufflé type thing. I thought this would tide me over at first glance. But after the second batch, I just couldn't do it anymore. Too eggy, and more disgustingly to me, too coconut oily (can't stand the stuff).
My white bread craving has been left unsatisfied and I can see a binge just over the mountain...so far so good, but I am not sure how long it will take for the feelings to subside. They so lie when they say if you haven't had it for a certain amount of time then you won't want it anymore. These people have obviously never, ever tried a good Italian bread!
So if you are reading this, and you know of something to keep me from falling head over heels off the wagon, please comment below. I haven't found anything yet, but I trust in you out there...
please help me
xoxo